I warn you- this post has way TMI about me in it.  The girls won’t mind nearly as much, but the guys should probably stop now.

I got my period today, and for the first time that I can remember, I am
honestly sad about it.  Was it a big surprise that it started?  No- of
course not.  But with how I have been feeling for the past few weeks, I
thought there was a chance that I might be pregnant.  I’m not on the pill, and while protection was used, that doesn’t mean it always works. 

Now, I have had “pregnancy scares” in the past, and my reactions to
them have ranged from panic to fear to thinking it’s the end of the
world.  Not that having a child with Matt would be those things; more
along the lines of the timing is all wrong, we can’t afford it, and I’m
just not ready to be a mother.  But this time- it was different. 

It started right away with calm acceptance.  A simple “ok” in the back of
my mind.  Then it moved onto excitement, which then lead to confusion. 
I thought I still wasn’t ready.  What about my Five Year Rule?  But as
most of you know, I am a researcher by nature.  I research the hell out
of…well, everything.  And thus the great baby research project began.

The only problem with all of this was that the rational part of me kept
screaming, “DUDE!  You’re NOT pregnant!  There’s no way in hell it
could happen!!!”  and the other part of my brain (the louder one, I
might add) kept screaming, “WEEEE!!!! BAAABBBBBBBBBBYYY!”  Yeah, I’m
one fucked up individual, I know.  So, in the midst of looking at cribs
and good pregnancy books for Matt, I started to analyze all of my
thoughts and feelings from the past week.  And I’ve come to a

I think I’m finally ready to grow up a little, and to start a family.  (Cue the sound clip of Keanu Reeves saying “Woah.”) 

Matt and I have yet to really sit down and discuss the nitty gritty
details of when we’re actually going to attempt to spawn, but I think
I’m going to stick with my Five Year Rule.  There are still a couple of
things I want to do before baby makes three:

-Loose weight (that is not an option- it has to be done for mine and the baby’s safety)
-Get this house looking like adults live here, as opposed to college students
-Travel (I have the travel bug pretty bad right now)

But instead of being all emotional about it, I’m going to move on.  I think I’m going to have a good cry, get my hair cut, buy a cute dress, hug my nephew, and move on. 

Just the thought of that makes me smile. 🙂 

4 thoughts on “Revelations

  1. And do a touch of shopping this weekend before Fogo. 🙂
    It’s very cool that you feel ready, and like you can handle that kind of change; it must be comforting, even if it’s not going to happen just yet. *hugs*

  2. Hey Beth, I found your blog, Muahahahahaha!
    I tried to sign up but it won’t send me an email. Any who, even though Jason and I have talked about kids and have made a mutual agreement that we don’t want any of our own, when my friends and family have babies, it’s always a very touching occasion to me. I always cry with new babies (if I like the parents).
    Let me share something with you. A five year plan is good. It shows that you have control over your life and that you know that you are really ready for kids. My sister Corry did a similar thing. Before we got our Stella, Jason and I were of the opinion that we weren’t ready for one yet. A dog for us was going to be our baby. Period. The day we got her, we weren’t expecting to get her. We didn’t know we were Chihuahua people. It just sorta happened. And even though I had a panic attack because of it (a small one… no throwing up), I have accepted that I now have this beautiful little girl and I haven’t looked back. She is a perfect addition to our family and will be for a long time. I feel like you getting pregnant will be a similar thing. It may not be right on schedule, but when it happens, everything will be just right. You and Matt will make wonderful parents and don’t worry too much about the money. My mom always told me that the money will come. Somehow, you will find a way and everything will be alright. If you really want it to happen, it will happen and everything will be great. Huggles!!!
    On a side note, when you get pregnant (notice I didn’t say if) I will be fawning all over you and I will be at the hospital with you and I will throw you a baby shower and I will buy you a bunch of awesome baby things and I will require cuddle time with your little girl. (Oh, yes, I require a girl. I have three nephews, I need a niece. So you need to get on that…) Cheers! 😀

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